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New Post 7/28/2008 2:58 PM
  Savior's_Breath
22 posts
No Ranking


Couplet binge 

ok before I began these I'd like to say that they were originally meant to be in iambic quatrameter, but then I got into my own rhythm which kind of left precision behind.  There are a lot of variations which I meant to do, but I'm not sure....  I'd like to know if you get a feeling of my rhythm here or if it becomes flat out awkward to read.

thanks---William

  1

I thought they came to hear my lines,
to wonder at the squibbled rhymes.

It was my mind that thought this and
when back to earth I could not stand

why that they stayed to all my words
was for they came in frighted hoards

how could they know my mind was lost
among the hills burned with the frost

and by a breath not lost to sun
because the orb could never stun

So a path to the warmer clime
must be its course so jack's harsh mouth

could bite a mother to the brink
of turning to cities of ink

with pleas for years that were combined
and meleted into blurs, she'd find

blue lights that rolled to only one
"you can not go you are my son!"

I go without saying goodbye
ahead i think I am behind.

The things I did would make her weep
cascading down chutes that were steep.

I cried myself asleep each night,
my soul alone it felt not right.

Mama was gone due to my choice
so i turned to another voice.


  2

You came in an emboldened blaze
and turned my talk into a gaze.

A weeping willow with gold chains,
I knew I could not keep the reins.

my eyes looking at you yearning
for me.  here come my lines around

Your lips that are a shade of blue.
There are no chains, because theres you.

Now so I ran to your window.
shakespeare would laugh at how you stalled.

With time I made us come to one
The train chugged on, the run begun,

the wheels rolled smooth because we cared,
Tomorrow was easily faired.

No trouble on my filthy mind,
I whispered secrets that were mine.

You said you'd like to know my soul
and on the pillows we would roll.

You wanted me to be around,
I thought my mate was truely found.

You had a heart and was the street
on which I tred my frost bit feet.

You took my burden far away,
The song of morning that would stay

with sweet moans of the peace that glossed
problems that grew with textured moss.


  3

I did not get the lickings that
a man, myself, turned to a rat

should get for not caring enough
about your needs. I was too rough.

You said goodbye with out a glance
With all my might I made a stance,

and said, "Don't go, I love you so!"
"Ah fair thee well, you are too slow."

"Now listen here I'd like to know
why I can't have you to stow

For Tomorrow to keep trouble
and pain from my growing stubble"

I tried to sing you back to home,
"No more", you said.  "I need to roam"

Ran you around I hurt you so
I picked your chest, a raven crow,

too self aware to see the rain
as red as wine that made a stain.

I know why now you had to go.
Living our life, you could not grow.

I tied you down and kept you from
fantasms of the things to come.

Yet how should I know that myself
was what threw me onto the shelf?


  4

Please fire the kiln and boil it down
so I can try to swim and drown.

My friend had asked if I would like.
And so I did to 'scape the run

and snow that was tempered by sleet
And shown no give, it killed my feet.

I did not care ,I had new loves
of endless drink and endless doves

with white wings of delight to hold
Assertive winds that were bold

and nights to morning without sleep
with moons. there was not time to weep

Benji Franklin was my true friend
all troubles instantly would mend

with good ol' bills to snuff the stuff
one hundred down, still not enough

I had a hard one when coming
to a mere point where I not sane

fell on my knees and tried to plea
but knew the lord would never see.

Was all that run that made me lose
my mind when i had to refuse

the load i made to help get through,
only to freeze in super glue

Now I recall the thunder cloud
as it climaxed among the crowd

Maybe I had too much too fast
such speed and strain could never last.

As runner's long distanced high door,
The blood gave out, I hit the floor

  5

I offered Whip a chance to share
the women with the wine, we'd fair!

By Point of knife i made him choose
"Do as I say or you will loose

The air we share and ride among
the souls between, or be flung

to Hell where you'll never come back
Your home will be a chicken shack!"

The die was shook and as it fell
he chose to die, I rang the bell

And dug a grave in Mexico
It was shallow beside the road.

One day the sherriff came asking
The tale I knew I ought to mask

Prison was close, and if it was
the road i took only because

A breath of a cologne turned sick
my hands.  They were not stayed, too quick

A lady finger to make my own
had cursed my will to be o'rthrown.
 
Thinking perhaps I'll spend my life
Jail'd without a love or wife


  6
The captian does not have to know
My life and how it chose to grow.

The truth it can not be 'er told
quietly stoned I'll make a fold.

he went straight up around the case
and checked from high to the grim base

And nearly down I could not swim,
revived from death's cruel grasp, the brim

was seen.  Will not it leave you straight
and limp, a howl with chummed blood bait?

trailed by hounds, I chose to hide
And asked to wake, I only lied.

Will Death not leave you standing in
the light cascading up to Him?

But now laid down, taking my rest
the savior will not love me best.

 
New Post 7/30/2008 10:03 AM
  poeticpiers
146 posts
10th Level Poster


Re: Couplet binge 

I enjoyed your binge of Rhyming couplets which i often use myself for narrative poetry I think you meant Iambic tetrameter 4 etric feet or eight syllables to the line  ivor

 
New Post 7/31/2008 7:11 PM
  Savior's_Breath
22 posts
No Ranking


Re: Couplet binge 

o i thought tetra was 3 feet.  my b!

 
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